16 August 2022
I need to admit to something: I was born and raised in a fringe society quite unlike the mainstream of America. Assimilating was not forbidden, but highly uncomfortable. That is, whenever anyone in our family tried to work their way into the mainstream, it often ended up in some of the most distressing experiences of rejection. There are simply too many ways in which we do not act and think like the middle class mainstream, and they know it. Their rejection has been consistently ruthless.
Having seen this as a child, I was always a little on edge about it. Making my way through the various rites of passage in America and into adulthood, a part of me always knew I'd never be accepted. At first it hurt every time. As I grew older and more experienced with it, this oddly became my comfort zone. I began to discern a pattern of things that predictably became points of conflict, and either avoided them or simply braced myself for the onslaught.
These days, I revel in it. What began as little more than a sub-cultural orientation became the bridge to genuine faith in a world where church-iness was the mainstream. Yes, I'm ordained, but I have never once served in a full-time church staff position, and I never will. These days, mainstream church isn't good enough for me, in the sense that it would be a failure of faith to adapt to whatever it is churches will accept, in every case I've seen.
It doesn't matter what society I grew up in; it's a part of the American landscape that almost everyone ignores because they choose not to understand it. What matters is that it became the perfect preparation for walking in faith. Had I been born into a typical middle-class American household, this divine calling would have been more difficult. He has always wanted me outside of the mainstream. Every time the Lord signaled a new step up in faith, I already knew it would take me farther and farther away from it. It became familiar ground to some degree.
Oddly enough, I've still managed to have a witness. Every time someone needed a leader for something that was unknown, I kept getting invited to take that role. Everyone knew by instinct that I would be willing to face it. And I've been asked to counsel more often by far than the number of times I've mentioned I was willing. I'm seldom in that situation any more, but people still treat me like a leader without even knowing me. One guy told me quite honestly that it was obvious to him I always had some place to go and something that I must do. He noted it was quite uncommon in this world. The Lord has seen fit to keep me oriented. This is my testimony.
Now, I'm not even trying to lead, except in the sense of being a moral and spiritual trailblazer. I have my own thing to do, and it's enough that I testify. From where I sit at my keyboard, this is what this blog is about. Our God is greater than we could possibly know, and He is faithful to His Word. His choice to call me never made sense to me; I know my weaknesses and failures. I'm on my face every day. I can't lead you to Him, but I can assure you that He is faithful and He will be found by those who come looking.
I've made that long journey, and you can, too.
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