Catacomb Resident Blog

Start with You

18 July 2023

In my writings, I have asserted that the reality in which we live is an iffy thing. I subscribe to the basic idea of Phenomenology: All you really have are your experiences and your perceptions of them. You don't really have "reality" itself, only your limited ability to grasp what you personally have experienced. I really believe that, and always have since before I was mature enough to read about that philosophical approach. I ran across it in college and realized it was simply expressing what I already believed.

At that point in my life, I had already concluded in some fundamental way, not entirely conscious, that this world was a big lie. It always felt that way, and I had this burning conviction that a lot of what others hammered at me was a lie. Not because it was totally, inherently false, but I was convinced that it was untrustworthy. In other words, you might discover something useful and reliable in this world, but too much of it is not useful or reliable.

We really cannot know. But we are social creatures, and we generally hate to be alone, so we tend to embrace what strong, charismatic people tell us. It's not that such people actually have any better answers, but we are wired to go along with at least one group or another. Thus, the popular answers dominate the field to the point it can be illegal to offer anything different. And if you start to reject too many things held in common by the mainstream, you are regarded as insane, out of touch with reality.

I've never been too sure that insane people are really wrong, but it's obvious they aren't part of the mainstream. Who's to say the mainstream knows what's real, either?

This is part of what is behind my assertion that you must learn to trust your own convictions. I certainly don't trust what passes for "reality" with the mainstream; it seems to have done me more evil than good. It wasn't until I was a lot older that I started thinking I needed to keep at least some of my perceptions to myself, at least until I had a better opportunity to share. I had to get better at interacting with the herd.

My convictions say that I am called to speak to those who find themselves on the fringes. Some of what I share here has as much to do with the lessons of interacting with the herd as it does finding something solid to anchor your soul. There was a time I thought I was supposed to be a charismatic leader. I learned a lot about projecting charisma, but it didn't answer my internal search. These days, I'm convinced that my audience is supposed to be small.

I'm calling out to a tiny handful people whom the Lord made to walk virtually alone in this world. There were times when I dealt with very large crowds, and I'm sure I'll see those times again, but for now, such is not my mission. Right now, I'm here with just a tiny handful (this blog currently reaches well under 100 readers) who need a healing hand.

And I'm telling you not to fear the isolation. It won't hurt you; it's our native element. If anything, the world is filled with too many people who too easily ignore the voices inside their own heads, for fear of being alone. But what I've found is that if you can't handle being alone, you can't handle being with God. Because that's where you'll find Him. If He isn't already inside of you in those quiet times and places, then you aren't getting close to Him.

To return to the fellowship we had with God in Eden, you have to take that Flaming Sword and strike your own soul. You have to nail your fleshly self to the Cross. Most people don't deal with their own flaws very well, but we have to become experts at it. Your worst enemy is yourself, in the sense of your fleshly nature.

But you must remain a living sacrifice; you must drag that horrible thing around while God still has use for you here in this world. If have no idea how God intends to use you. I'm not going to prescribe the right answers to any questions you'll encounter. I'll tell you my answers for myself, but what I hope you get from this blog is how to find your own answers.

This is why the Radix Fidem way is called "meta-religion". We take the position that religion is your individual faith in action. We want to teach you how to discern your own faith commitment and what it demands of you. Your religion is your own responsibility. Don't buy my answers on religion; search your own convictions.

In my experience, God held all the cards. Had He not come for me Himself, I would have never found Him. It was His initiative to rescue me; I was hopelessly lost. And the first thing I had to confront was just how utterly worthless I was without Him. There was a lot of garbage that I needed to confess as garbage. Until I let it all go, there was no way I could fill that aching need of my soul. But when I did shove it aside, there He was. That's what I mean when I say, "It starts with you." If you don't find God inside of you, you won't find Him at all.

He is my reality. His Presence in me is the core of my existence. Everything else is dubious.


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