24 September 2023
The Lord put His claim on my life very early. As soon as I began to understand anything at all, I became aware of divine pressure. At first, I sensed it as a fearful pursuit of darkness trying to grab me. Eventually I understood that was because I had been marked for God's use, and His opposition wanted to prevent that. I was a teenager when I finally realized what the inner turmoil meant, and only partially then.
While my flesh certainly had big dreams about what it could do with that divine calling, some part of me always knew it would not turn out that way. Still, all of my opportunities were part of that twisted world of man-made agendas for building religion. I was still uncomfortable, just as I was as a child, but for a different reason. I still wasn't where I was supposed to be.
While I won't tell you I'm where I'm supposed to be now, I will say I'm about as close to it as I could possibly get. The call has always been to build my own faith, and to build it in others. None of that other stuff mattered; it's all just a question of methods and means. I have experienced moments when there were very large numbers of people willing to walk with me, and I frankly do not want that any more. That is, I don't want it on the terms that existed in those moments.
Maybe I can explain. It's not that I did the wrong thing; I was obedient to the best I knew in those days. There was still time for redemption on a certain scale of groups and institutions. It was possible for America to turn around in one way or another. That was true right up until a few years ago. I'm not saying that this is any kind of absolute shift in reality, as if it applied to everyone. Rather, the work I was able to do could have turned things around for some limited portion of America (I was never called to foreign missions in any way; quite the contrary). In the context of my calling and mission, America can no longer be turned.
Not even a small part of it.
My mission and calling is strictly to the individual now. I am not allowed to build a congregation except on virtual terms. There are people I do hope to see in person, but there cannot be a physical organization at this time. The image in my mind is that this is the only way to avoid becoming a target for what would surely destroy our witness. The threat coming at us is big enough and strong enough that organizing in the conventional sense would be pointless.
At the same time, the virtual opportunities are closing around us. Thus, I have this sense of urgency to cover as much ground as I can, not shying away from any topic that may help you establish your faith. We aren't going to do anything together. We are going to fellowship and discuss faith until we are silenced. I'm not entirely sure what comes after that.
It's more than a mist; there's a massive blank wall obscuring what lies beyond the threshold of this virtual fellowship, at least for me. Every time I try to peer into the future, all I see is that wall, with a sign painted on it: "Keep doing what you are doing." In other words, I'm supposed to keep working at this virtual thing with the computers and networking until it's taken away from me. I don't talk about that part here, but I'm quite involved in computer technology. It's not my thing; it's just a tool.
And it's all I have as a means of ministry. Electronic networking is the whole thing right now. Naturally I'm going to invest time and resources into that. Some of you have sent gifts and several have asked about it privately. I don't do fundraisers, but I'll tell you the truth: The one thing I might find useful that I cannot afford is something like an iPad. Notice I said "useful", not a necessity. Don't even think about it unless your convictions burn to the point you can't sleep. I'm perfectly happy doing everything on my own dime. What I'm indicating here is a move toward pushing more of my work into the cloud to reduce the necessity of maintaining so much stuff in my physical possession.
I sense very strongly that the less physical stuff I have to worry about, the more effective I will be at getting out the word.
Keep in mind: My ministry is virtual. When the virtual connection is gone, whatever I'm doing will change so completely that what I've written will no longer matter that much. You will have it or you won't. Sure, I've got print copies on hand of certain key materials, but the kind of blather that I post on this blog is highly contextual. It won't travel well in a different context; what matters for you as a reader should be the underlying moral truths for which there are no words.
I keep having visions of traveling in the near future. It's not that I'm looking forward to it; it's hard work. Still, I keep sensing this drive to prepare for it, and my efforts keep prospering. I don't believe it's from my flesh. I've lived long enough to know that this may be merely something moving me to another place in my soul in preparation for something I cannot possibly imagine. The target of "being ready to travel" may be proximate, not the actual goal, but it's all I have for now.
I have no idea what these things should mean to you, but I felt obliged to share them.
Comments
DarkMirror
[Commenting sometime later...] Interesting to read this after you got the iPad. :)
This document is public domain; spread the message.