14 January 2023
I like to talk about my unicorn.
Of course, you should realize that the term "unicorn" is symbolic for my wife. I didn't come up with that. The manosphere started using that term to refer to women who conform to some ideal. It happens my wife obeys the Covenant and has embraced the identity God designed for her. By no means perfect, any more than I am, our marriage is stable and strong because we both were committed to the Word before we met. There was no fraud in our commitments to each other, so that our marriage has gotten stronger over the years, and she is now more valuable to me than when we first met. Our passion for each other has not dimmed, but increased.
I openly confess that our marriage is a miracle, truly the grace of God. The true miracle here is that we both brought to this marriage certain prerequisites that make marriage work. We were both inclined to do it right because we were both changed by grace before we met. It's not that we had nothing that needed work, of course, but that our prime directive was solidly established -- we belonged to the Lord as our feudal Master and Lord.
It was never a question of whether we had a fiery attraction. We did not; we both agree on that. Rather, the question was whether we were compatible in our faith commitments. I knew even then that I had a mission from God and it was necessary to embrace it sight unseen. She had to know about it, and that it was her commitment as well. That was the main question we both felt needed answering before our relationship could go anywhere. We both knew that the passion and desire for each other would grow from that compatibility; God would supply our needs.
Sounds utilitarian, no? I contend this is the way it's supposed to work. Among couples lacking the anchor of faith, our way was backwards. This is often noted on Jack's blog in the comments: The woman must be smitten, and must stay smitten, or the marriage will not work at all. What the comments fail to note is that such is the way it works without faith in the Lord. My wife and I did not fall in love; we walked into it with eyes wide open, in obedience to the direction of God. It was not random. It was divinely ordained. We both believe that.
It's really sad that the men who claim to be Christians, and whose faith is such that they condemn churchianity (most because it's various kinds of feminism in disguise), could carry on like predestination cannot possibly apply to marriage. I'm not talking here about the infamous "one-itis" of which so very many men are guilty. I believe that men are made to match well with a very small handful of women in this world. The number is small because of the dire necessity of faith. But any one of those few can fulfill divine predestination. It's not the popular false doctrine of a one-for-one match, as if God made only one for each of us. Still, apparently very few Christian manospherians who grouse about their bad marriages believe that God had an interest in showing them a better match. They missed it.
It's not enough to find the right woman; you have to be the right man. I remain utterly convinced that, had those men been a little closer to God's plan for them, He would have led them to a far better match. Without a covenant commitment, it's just random luck. I reject the notion that I'm special, that God did something for me He won't do for others of His children. This is not something reserved for the "priesthood" or anything silly like that. I believe my experience does not have to be so rare. I would expect worldly men to reject that notion, but I have a very tough time promoting that idea among Christian men on Jack's forum.
Thus, I confess that I broke some of the principles or rules they enunciate for getting married. And I still break them in how I deal with my wife every day. For example, I have no problem with my wife knowing my human weaknesses. I have no problem trusting her with my personal secrets. She doesn't use them against me; she shares her own secrets with me. She's committed to promoting my social reputation, not competing with me. My reputation is hers; we are a team. She'd be more likely to deceive almost anyone in this world except me, when it comes to sensitive issues between us.
As it stands now, I'm terribly spoiled. If she dies, there won't be a successor to her role. I don't disagree with the manosphere's common assessment that the vast majority of women aren't worth it. I don't know any other "unicorns" around here where I live. The other women I know range from unsuitable to downright dangerous. That includes several whole churches -- big ones -- whose membership are more than half women. It's not that God can't lead another unicorn to me, but that I know He won't. If my wife is out of the picture, I'm on my own.
That's the key missing in most discussion among Christian Red Pill guys: They have no consistent view on how the Spirit leads people of faith. I can't recall reading many comments or posts that stand on the notion that the Holy Spirit speaks to hearts about romance, that God does have an individualized plan for marriage. Granted, His plans for some men include things like Hosea and Gomer, but that is an example of what's rare and special. God plans for the vast majority of His sons to marry "unicorns" and have "fairy tale" marriages like mine, in part because He wants them for His daughters, too.
So while way too many women in America are more like Gomer, it doesn't help that men don't put faith in the Lord to do what He promised. Do you understand that the Covenant includes promises of good, solid marriages? Maybe those men deny that because they aren't willing to embrace the Covenant in the first place. I often don't bother to comment on some posts because they castigate me for what I believe. How can they not trust the Lord?
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